Thursday, August 5, 2010

ON LIVING WITH A BRAIN TUMOR Day 59: Abandoning Control

Surprisingly, I’ve not been second-guessing my decision to go with the “watchful waiting” option that my neurosurgeon had given me. After all, I can change my mind and opt for radiation, should I decide that that’s the better choice. But radiation, which comes with its own set of alarming, potential side effects, can’t be reversed. So yes, I’m content to watch and wait. Nonetheless, this watching and waiting stuff does have its downside which for me is not having closed the door, the result of which is the occasional anxiety attack. Never before have I been so aware of my control freak tendencies. So I’m trying something new: total abandon at my easel. I’ve been playing with the messiest stuff I could think of: mixed media collage. And I have to admit, I finally feel quite relaxed! I can’t control this form of painting any more than I can control my future, and yet I like this form of art as much as I like the total exactitude of replicating a leaf. I think I’ve finally learned something: Life doesn’t have to be predictable in order to find its joys.


mindy said...

Is this brand new-I really really LOVE it -continue with this WOW

LA said...

I've been thinking of you and want to send a Big Hug! :) I love what you are painting and sharing. I have read the book you left with me some time ago, "Art and Fear" and really found it helpful, too.

Laurie Akermark